Life is about trying.
Every day, I get up and I try to act like I woke up on the right side of the bed. I try to keep my heavy eyes open. I try to shower without falling back to sleep standing up. I try to say my morning prayers before I let myself get on Instagram.
Every day, I try to be half the person that I know I’m meant to be. I try to be kind, I try to be loving, gracious, compassionate, courageous. I try to be fierce, to live up to the standards that I set for myself.
I try, every day, not to repeat the mistakes of yesterday.
I try to spend time intentionally with real people, face-to-face, not through a pixelated screen.
I try to be myself, laugh hard, forget that my hair is messy, and savor the smiles from friends and even strangers.
I try to follow up with people, to keep promises, to answer texts and emails. I try to look up when all I want to do is watch my shoes scuff against the hot September asphalt. I try, again and again, to put others before myself, to be the first to offer smiles and handshakes and hugs and hold doors open.
I try not to worry.
I try to keep in touch.
I try to write every day.
I try to pray like I should.
But here’s the catch: I fail, and I fail a lot. Like the Israelites of the Old Testament, I fall, get back up (often with necessary help), dust myself off, fall again. Like a stuck record, a song on repeat. Some (read: many) nights, my inability to better my own habits beats me down and I crouch beside my bed, sigh a lackluster prayer asking for help and forgiveness, and fade off wishing I could have an extra ten hours in my night just to sleep.
Then I wake up without that extra ten hours, and the cycle continues for another day.
There’s something to it, though. The trying.
It says that, even though you inevitably fall, you’re willing to put forth an effort and do your best. You’re willing to ask for forgiveness, dust yourself off, and start over. You be the best you can be, knowing that you’re incapable of being perfect, and you press on anyway.
You don’t give up.
That is fierceness.
I think fierceness manifests itself in people who believe they’re incapable of something and try anyway, no matter the risk or result. Fierceness stems from desperation, from a desire to put forth all you have in order to succeed.
In life, we’re called to be fierce, even if that means that all we can do is try, day by day.
Smile at yourself in the mirror when you wake up. Maybe even grin, or laugh, because today is a day to try and fail and rest assured in knowing that you can always try again.
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Is this something you struggle with, living life as if on repeat? If so, have you found any ways to stay encouraged and motivated? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.