Some days, I wake up in a fog. I see that the sky is blue and I want nothing to do with it. I stumble into the shower, I'm too queasy for a real breakfast, and my chest is tight as I try to pray during the car ride to work or class. My smile is restrained and my laugh is forced. My shirt collar is a noose. I want chocolate but I don't want acne. I listen to some music but it brings back sad memories. I text a friend only to realize I'm texting for attention. I eat bread at all three meals (which tastes good for me but probably isn't when it's not paired with fruits or vegetables). I should sit down and do some writing, but the page remains freakishly blank, considering I'm a creative writing major. Then I have a small existential crisis and eat a cookie.
Those days come around a little too often.
But then there are other days. I get up early and meet a friend for breakfast and a Bible study. Then I run errands. I buy a pair of gym shorts for jogging and a file pouch for budgeting. My favorite worship song comes on the radio and the sky is mottled blue and gray, both pleasant. I get home and do some budgeting (because of my big-girl job) and laundry. Then I call a friend for a needed conversation that lifts my spirits, after which I go for a walk/jog (*cough* for the first time in years *cough*) in my new gym shorts, feeling very fit and healthy as my jogging playlists pulses through my earbuds. I go home, find I've walked/jogged 3 miles today, and eat some watermelon instead of a cookie. Then I get invited to 2 different events, on top of a third I was planning on attending. "So many social engagements, so little time." Then I write this blog post.
These kind of days just come without warning and I meet them face-to-face with, "Well, it's good to see you!"
It's the cycle of daily life. Not every day is going to be breakfast/Bible study/jogging/watermelon/budgeting-productive. A lot of days will be consume-chocolate-and-fake-a-smile days. You've got to take them as they come and accept yourself no matter what day you're having. Sometimes there will be reasons for the bad and the good, but I honestly think that often it just depends on how much sleep you get, and which side of the bed you wake up on.
Just some Friday thoughts. Whether you're stress-eating a cookie or prepping a playlist for your next jog, love yourself despite your ups and downs. And remember that Someone loves you more.
(Now excuse me while I go sniff out the cupcakes my grandmother HAD to show me just now).
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Does life seem to have this good-day-bad-day pattern for you? If so, how do find yourself handling it?
Photo by Francesco Gallarotti on Unsplash